It’s acceptable to discuss your relationship with your friends. There are times when everyone could use some guidance. But experts say that there are some things that should only be shared between you and your partner. Knowing which topics to steer clear of can help maintain a strong relationship if you enjoy venting.
To be fair, sharing is perfectly acceptable.
Venting about your relationship can be healthy when you just need to let things out. The president of H4M Matchmaking and a well-known LGBTQ matchmaker, Tammy Shaklee, tells Bustle that if you regularly do it, it could mean one very significant thing.
It might indicate that you two aren’t compatible in the end, Shaklee says. You better get your communication styles, behaviors, needs, and timing down so that you and your partner can handle both big and small issues that life will throw at you. If you find yourself polling your parent, sibling, or best friend, it’s possible that you aren’t focusing enough on the relationship that matters most to you: your partnership. ”.
Even though it’s acceptable to get advice from others on some matters, there are some things that you should really work out with your partner. Following are some topics that, in the opinion of experts, should only be discussed with your partner.
Problems With Money Or Law.
Most people desire stability and security in their financial situation. One of the factors that can lead to a couple separating is financial difficulties. But things happen. Each couple will experience some financial ups and downs. It’s important to keep financial troubles to yourselves if they exist.
A mutually transparent prioritization with your partner can help you move forward, according to Shaklee.
“Time spent airing your financial frustrations with outside sources doesn’t help you get ahead,” she adds.
So, address the problems collectively.
Discuss your progress toward your objectives with one another and identify any issues.
Sex-related matters of any kind.
Sex is a very private matter. Your sexual life should be kept private unless you both agree to share details with others, including everything sexy and performance-related.
While it’s wonderful to see a couple who obviously adores one another, Annie Hsueh, Ph. D. says to Bustle that she is a licensed clinical psychologist with a focus on couple and relationship therapy. This doesn’t necessarily refer to specifics about your physical intimacy. ”.
One example is that not everyone enjoys seeing others show their affection in public. While your partner might not mind you calling them a “cutesy” nickname in front of others, they might feel uncomfortable with it.
Respect must be shown if that is the case.
Your Battles.
According to board-certified neurotherapist and licensed clinical psychologist Catherine Jackson, who specializes in relationships, “while it may seem like a good idea to turn to your friends every time you have a disagreement or fight with your partner, this may not be good for relationships in the long run.”.
It might feel really good to vent right now. To the person you’re venting to, it does, however, give them a bad impression of your partner. If you love your partner and want to be with them for a long time, you probably don’t want your friend to think that your partner is terrible and that you should find someone better.
Opinions are difficult to alter, according to Jackson. When sharing negative information about your partner, use discretion. ”.
a family issue.
You should only discuss anything embarrassing or extremely private with your partner, advises Kathy Nickerson, Ph. D. , a therapist with expertise in relationships, tells Bustle. “It should stay private if your partner would blush or scream upon hearing you discuss it with a friend. ”.
Anything your partner divulges to you about their family should remain private, especially if it involves a secret. Do not forget that it is not your family. Perhaps your partner confided in you about their family because they felt the need to vent. In that circumstance, your only real option is to simply listen to them.
The uncertainties of your partner.
Latimer advises, “I would advise anyone to just use the golden rule here.
“That can give you the perspective you may need.
What are the things that would really upset you if you found out your partner was talking about them with others? ”.
Avoid bringing up your partner’s insecurities in front of others if you are aware of them. Asking for advice on how to handle your partner’s insecurities may have been done with the best of intentions. However, they absolutely do not want to hear that you are voicing their private concerns and thoughts. Latimer advises against discussing topics that are extremely private or intimate in a relationship.
Things About Your Partner That Annoy You.
You won’t necessarily like everything your partner does, it’s a fact.
There will occasionally be things that annoy you.
It’s acceptable to vent your irritations to others, but it’s not acceptable to do so without first discussing your concerns with your partner. You don’t want your partner to feel hurt if they learn that you’ve been talking about them behind their back.
Kelsey M.
Latimer, Ph.D. says, “That could result in a feeling of betrayal or being the subject of rumors.”.
D.
, says CEDS-S, the psychologist and Hello Goodlife founder who specializes in relationships, to Bustle.
By bringing up your partner’s annoying habits, you’re also giving your friends a chance to criticize them and form unfavorable opinions.
Your aspirations for the relationship’s future.
You should try to keep your long-term objectives, aspirations, and expectations for the relationship a secret for as long as you can. I know this may come as a surprise.
Many couples keep their infertility plans a secret, at least until they are certain they will succeed, according to Hsueh. “This isn’t just limited to kids; it also includes things that you hope will happen but may not materialize. ”.
The best time to reveal your future plans is undefined.
You should be fine as long as you and your partner are on the same page. Here, communication is crucial.
Absolutely nothing is wrong with asking friends and family for advice. You should definitely speak up if you have any concerns for your safety. If it isn’t, just keep in mind that those closest to you will base their judgment on what you say. Always be aware of what you’re saying if you care about your partner and want your relationship to last.
