You’ve been seeing your partner for a while, and now you’ve finally worked up the courage to say those three romantic words. Saying “I love you” for the first time is a significant event, despite the fact that it only takes three words and eight letters. It can be terrifying to express your emotions because you never know if they will be met with a similar response. It can feel like the worst thing in the world when you tell someone you love them and they don’t return the feeling, but experts say you shouldn’t be concerned.
Clinical psychologist and author Dr. Carla Marie Manly tells Bustle that it can be extremely frightening to express your love for someone. When (and if) the other person is falling in love at the same pace, many newlywed couples play an unintentional game of ‘feeling it out. “.
If you are prepared to express your love without waiting, Dr. Manly suggests a few actions. Get to know your true feelings first. According to Dr. Manly, it’s simple to mistake infatuation, passion, or the simple joy of dating for love in the early stages of a relationship. Your “I love you” won’t be sincere if you mistake lust for love. Instead, it’s most likely the result of insecurity, and your partner might not respond favorably to the circumstance.
However, go ahead and say it if you’re truly in love and want to. And here are some suggestions from experts if you find yourself in a situation where your partner is not responding to your “I love you” declarations.
It’s simple to get upset with yourself when someone rejects your love declaration after you’ve told them you do. You’re only human, though, says Victoria Elf Raymond, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist, in an interview with Bustle. Naturally, it feels much better when your partner responds in kind, but she adds that just because you didn’t get the reaction you were hoping for doesn’t mean you were wrong for speaking your mind. Instead, take pride in the fact that you were finally able to say it; not everyone has the same level of bravery. Furthermore, it’s preferable to having to consider all the “What ifs?”.
Ieshai Bailey, a licensed therapist, advises against getting angry at them if they refuse to reciprocate your feelings, according to CMHC. Although it’s common to press the issue or challenge their answer, doing so might put your partner on the defensive. Bailey said it was important to remain composed. Avoid reacting or making snap judgments. Also keep in mind that if they don’t reciprocate right away, it’s not necessarily a bad sign.
Your partner might simply not have an answer ready, according to relationship and communication expert Chloe Ballatore. “Saying “I love you” out loud to someone and not hearing a response is completely normal. Approximately 50% of the time, that is what occurs in my practice. “.
While it’s nice to get a response when you say “I love you,” it should never be taken for granted when you’re saying it to someone for the first time. We are all so different when it comes to how and when we show love, as Dr. Raymond observes. “.
It’s possible that your partner is more wary of falling in love because of past disappointments, or they’re simply more at ease telling you how they feel. Relationship expert Courtney Boyer tells Bustle that those who have been hurt in long-term relationships may be more reluctant to experience love and verbally express it (i.
e.
expressing my love for you aloud),” she says. If you didn’t hear the phrase “I love you” often or at all growing up, you might be less likely to say it out loud in response to your partner. Give them time to consider the situation, whatever the cause.
Sometimes words just flow out of you without your intention. Relationship expert and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport advises Bustle, “Just move on, if you find that in a moment of passion or under some other circumstance you tell your partner, “I love you!” and your partner does not tell you that they love you back. You can even pretend you never said anything at all if it helps you feel a little better. Rappaport asserts that by ignoring it, you have already expressed your feelings to them. “The seed has been sown. And they will promptly reply.
Remember that everyone is unique when you tell someone you love them and they don’t reciprocate. According to Boyer, “people rarely experience the same intensity of emotions at the same time. It’s likely that one person will fall in love more quickly than the other. This doesn’t imply that your partner doesn’t feel anything for you or that you’ll always have a little more invested in the union than they do. It’s crucial to just get a sense of things at first for this reason.
Understand that you’ve overplayed your hand and decide what to do next, relationship expert and author April Maccario of New York tells Bustle. Whatever you do, avoid pressuring your partner to respond or making any passive-aggressive jokes about the circumstance.
Saying “I love you” and not receiving a response should not deter you from expressing yourself in the future. According to Ballatore, “love has varied connotations, meaning that some people have it on the tip of their tongue and some reserve it for rare occasions.”. “How you feel about the other person and their willingness to make and uphold agreements with you are key considerations. Words are less effective than actions. “.
You don’t have to completely let go of the situation or push your feelings aside until your partner is ready, even though it’s crucial to give your partner enough time to process their emotions. Manly asserts that for some people, hearing the words “I love you” is essential to feeling secure and connected in their relationship. There will only be pain and resentment if the problem is completely let go. Instead, spend some time learning more about your partner and how they are feeling about those three special words.
“Some people freely sprinkle ‘I love you’ statements throughout the landscapes of their relationships, while others are more frugal with these same words,” Manly claims. “Some partners who are not prone to saying, ‘I love you,’ demonstrate love in various ways that are important to them. Speaking the words “I love you” can trigger unconscious fears of experiencing emotional pain for some partners, however, due to unhealed love-related wounds. Everyone is different, so finding out more about your partner can help you get over any worries you might have about their feelings for you.
Practice gratitude and reflect on your blessings as a way to let go of any issues that may be bothering you. Consider your relationship with your partner in this situation. “If your partner has a good explanation for not saying ‘I love you,’ the issue can become inconsequential,” says Manly.
“If your partner has a good explanation for what made you fall in love with them or what they have done to make you feel loved.”.
“For instance, it might be acceptable to withhold an ‘I love you’ from a partner who displays a lot of kindness and physical affection. The words “I love you” are permanently inscribed in a couple’s deeply loving daily experiences when they have a heartfelt connection. “.
It’s important to respect your partner’s feelings after you and your partner have spoken and you have more information about the reasons behind their silence. Don’t try to pressure or change someone who will find it difficult to say those words if you’re with them.
Honoring your own emotions is crucial, though. You may need to think about whether this is the right person for you after giving them some time if hearing “I love you” is crucial for your sense of security in the relationship. Trust that someone who can understand your unique brand of love is better suited to receive it, advises Dr. Manly. “.
