When you first meet someone, it’s not always easy to tell if they are toxic or untrustworthy, but over time, you can learn a lot about them based on their body language, what they say, and how they make you feel. Trust your instinct if something seems “off,” whether it’s with a potential date, a mystifying neighbor, or even a random passerby.
This is particularly true if the other person is manipulative, which may cause you to perceive them as potentially dangerous or cause you to recognize when you are being taken advantage of. Then, even if they try to reassure you that nothing is wrong, err on the side of caution and make an effort to leave the area as soon as you can.
“Try not to backtrack on it,” advises Nicole Issa, Psy., if you feel like you need to leave someone or end a relationship.
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tells Bustle that she is a licensed psychologist. Whenever you feel a need for assistance, turn to a friend or a higher authority.
Of course, not everyone who exudes a “creepy” aura poses a threat. But if you spot even one of the red flags that someone is unreliable, stop to think about who this person is and whether they have your best interests at heart.
Your physical boundaries are ignored by them.
Consider it a major warning sign if someone continues to disregard your boundaries. Amica Graber, a relationship expert for the background checking website TruthFinder, tells Bustle that some examples include standing too close to you (and following if you step further away), refusing to take no for an answer, or even “innocent” activities like tickling you when you’ve asked [them] to stop.
Graber claims that dangerous individuals may carry out these actions as a means of testing you to see if you are capable of going further, although some people simply aren’t able to take hints.
They keep their gaze fixed on you.
Sociopaths, narcissists, and other manipulative individuals are examples. — many have a propensity for keeping a close eye on others. If you happen to look them in the eye, they won’t look away right away. They will instead continue to make that intense eye contact.
According to Patti Wood, MA, a body language expert, “they look at their target with [a] focused, intense gaze,” typically as a way to test boundaries. “To see how the target reacts, they might say or do something awkward just before or after the hypnotic gaze. “.
Try breaking eye contact or backing away to observe their response, advises Wood, to determine whether the circumstance actually constitutes an unsafe one. Your instinct was probably right if they become upset or if you experience extreme relief.
They control the discussion.
In contrast to those who simply enjoy talking, manipulators will attempt to control entire conversations. According to Wood, this “over talking” involves auditory space invasion and other paralinguistic elements that demonstrate their control. It might be hypnotic to listen to them because they are frequently endearing and skilled storytellers. If you continue to pay them attention, they’ll probably continue doing it.
Because of this, being a talkative attention-seeker who enjoys dominating conversations is another indicator of an untrustworthy person. These people can never get enough of your time or attention, says licensed mental health counselor Shannon Gunnip, LMHC, BC-TMH. To shock you or maintain your interest, she warns, “They might say or do things in a dramatic or over-the-top way.”. “They will persist more as a result of your increased attention. Given that they will drain you emotionally without returning any positive energy, this kind of person might not be trustworthy. “.
Their Mood Alters Quickly.
Keep an eye out for startling mood swings when interacting with others because narcissists frequently become extremely upset when things don’t go their way. They can instantly change themselves, according to Wood, by instantly changing all of their nonverbal behaviors. “.
This may involve varying emotions, such as going from being incredibly sweet to being incredibly irritated, and then coming back again. Or, according to Wood, they might change completely into a different “character” to achieve their goals. You might not even be aware of it until the person has already sucked you in because it can be so deceptive. Consequently, pay attention to how a person behaves when they are not successful. You might want to avoid them if you witness them changing into someone entirely new.
They appear unrelated.
The same is true for oddly disconnected eye contact as it is for intense eye contact, which can be a warning sign. And Wood adds that this is especially true if you’d characterize the person as being “dead behind the eyes” because this is a characteristic shared by sociopaths and narcissists.
Although not everyone is adept at eye contact, if you’re picking up on other red flags, add this to the list of possible reasons it might be best to end the conversation and leave.
They reveal themselves far too quickly.
Psychotherapist Dr. Laura Dabney, M.D., warns that if someone you’ve just met is already revealing all of their secrets, they may not be reliable or stable. , says to Bustle. It not only displays a lack of boundaries, but it also has a tendency to spiral out of control.
Basically, if someone is willing to heap all that on you within the first few minutes of meeting, it may indicate that they lack complete control over themselves and their actions. Being able to trust other people is one thing. However, it can become emotionally draining very quickly if this person views you as a person to whom they can air all of their problems. Consider it a warning sign at the very least.
They Say Insulting Things.
You probably won’t want to spend much time with someone who is being rude. That’s a wise decision given that it frequently indicates more serious issues.
Adamaris Mendoza, LPC, MA, a certified relationship coach and licensed psychotherapist, tells Bustle that potentially dangerous people frequently use belittling others to control them. So, if this person is making you or those around you uncomfortable, pay attention.
According to Mendoza, “how they do it can take on different forms, but their intention is to make the other person (their intended victim) feel unworthy.”. “They may choose to make fun of your appearance, your physical appearance, your goals, your friends, your job, or your dreams. “.
Again, it can be challenging to recognize because it is so manipulative. But you can be safer by being aware of the warning signs and being aware of some of the ruses employed by dishonest people.
They are too knowledgeable.
if you go on a date and the other person is already aware of your place of employment, educational background, etc. even if they try to act like it’s “normal to look people up,” don’t dismiss it. “.
Yes, it is common practice to quickly search before spending the evening with a complete stranger. But according to Issa, “if someone starts telling you about information that probably showed up on, say, page five of your [search] results, this could be a sign that it went beyond the norm and crossed over into stalking.”. “.
Don’t be afraid to contact the authorities if what they’re saying makes you uneasy. If you’re going to a restaurant, you can also approach the server or bartender and ask for assistance.
They Travel Very Quickly.
It’s simple to take it as a compliment if your new relationship with someone seems to be growing quickly. Issa, however, notes that “often, people who are likely to harm others will sweep in quickly and forcefully and try to foster a sense of false trust. Take a step back if everything seems hurried or too good to be true.
Someone who loves the novel and the exciting might fit this description because they take a lot of risks. They frequently act rashly, according to Gunnip. “A risk-taker might not be a reliable individual because they might put you in circumstances that test your limits. This kind of relationship has the potential to develop into something emotionally intense and unstable.
