It is still possible to have financial incompatibility with your partner, even if you and your partner are 101 other ways the perfect match. It’s acceptable that not everyone is an expert with money. On the other hand, lingering issues can quickly strain your relationship and even presage future issues. Fortunately, there are ways to determine how bad is too bad and how many problems are too many, and you don’t need to hire a detective to do so.
Apparently, Tina B. Tessina, PhD, also known as “Dr. Romance”), a psychotherapist and the author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, couples are capable of engaging in “financial infidelity. This occurs when “they don’t have good communication established, they’re trying to avoid conflict, or they’re out of control and don’t want to admit it,” she tells Bustle.
According to Tessina, persistent financial issues may be a sign that your partner doesn’t value you and lacks self control. Even though most people don’t take it as seriously, it can be just as harmful as sexual infidelity, she claims. The sooner you begin to recognize these relationship money red flags, the better. Here are some of them.
They keep their financial transactions private.
Your significant other may become hostile when you bring up the receipt(s) you found for a purchase they made. Normally, you wouldn’t care, but the two of you are saving money for a significant trip, and this purchase made a dent in the fund.
The issue here is not so much that your partner spent money without telling you, but rather that they stole money from a joint savings account and then lied about it, as neither of these actions is good for the future.
You should work on this problem, perhaps by going to counseling together, according to Tessina, who claims that unchecked spending, lying, and hiding finances can ruin a relationship.
They keep their debt a secret from you.
Student loan debt is a common occurrence, but it is not a problem in and of itself.
A warning sign would only be if your partner downplayed or lied about their debt, especially if you intend to marry them and the debt would then become your responsibility.
According to Tessina, in this situation, the debt and the lying both become problems.
It may even be an indication that your partner is lying about something.
She advises seeking relationship counseling in this case in order to start paying off the debt and preserve your marriage.
There is an issue with their credit cards.
Another example: I know someone whose partner developed a credit card addiction to the point where their children’s needs, like school supplies, began to be subordinated to her compulsive shopping. Unless she cut up all of her credit cards and sought financial advice, he threatened to divorce her.
Know that it’s a slippery slope if you find yourself in a similar circumstance. Tessina advises asking your partner to seek money management advice or to see a therapist in order to identify the underlying causes of their excessive spending before things spiral out of control.
They are unable to follow a budget.
Even though you may have learned wise financial practices, your partner might not have. So, if it is obvious that they are unable to adhere to a budget, schedule a time to discuss money and determine whether it is something you can both work on.
Though it might be challenging at first, Brianna McGurran, a student loans and personal finance expert at NerdWallet, tells Bustle that “supporting each other while building a budget could help you reach your financial goals faster, and can even bring you closer together.”.
Setting up a 50/30/20 budget is a good place to start. It recommends allocating no more than 50% of your post-tax income to necessities, no more than 30% to wants, and at least 20% to savings and debt repayment, according to McGurran. If that seems difficult right now, start by making small adjustments, such as lowering your cable bill. ”.
They miss deadlines for bill payments.
Take notice if your partner consistently pays their bills late, and even more so if they don’t seem to notice or care. While everyone makes mistakes and runs into financial difficulties occasionally, this is something to watch out for.
The fact that this affects both of you financially and that your partner isn’t taking into account how their bad habits affect the relationship should raise even more red flags if you share a home.
They Have No Investments Or Savings.
If your significant other has no savings at all and doesn’t even mention investments, it’s cause for concern if they panic or, worse yet, ask you what that means when you mention “401(k)”.
According to McGurran, if you plan to live together or purchase a home, their inability or lack of desire to save money may affect you in the future. Therefore, discuss developing better money management skills with them. For example, suggest that they put some of their pay into a savings account or ask their employer about 401(k) contributions.
They have poor credit.
Bad credit in and of itself does not have to be a dealbreaker, but if your partner has many other financial red flags, you may want to take this one more seriously.
If one day you want to rent a place or buy a house with your partner but their bad credit prevents you from doing so, McGurran warns, “[it] could affect you.”. To help them pay off their debts and start establishing their credit, you might suggest a plan. After all, you can work through your financial issues as a team.
