This is the tragic moment a single mother woke up to find her young son dead beside her in bed.
Amanda Saucedo, from Lorain, Ohio, was awakened when one-month-old Ben started fussing in the middle of the night. After changing his diaper, she fed Ben to her bed.
The mother of two and former member of the US army dozed off, but when she awoke at eight in the morning, she understood something was wrong.
A pool of Ben’s blood was where he was discovered to be dead. The incident happened on November 11, 2014, and Amanda is still troubled by it.
I turned to face my dear Ben, who was permanently curled next to me, The Scientific Parent-reported Amanda, who also has a five-year-old son named Trae, as saying.
But there was a problem. His face was pale, and one of his nostrils was stuck halfway down. When I got to my feet, I discovered a bloody mess next to Ben.
“No,” I murmured to myself. This is not happening!
My 30-day-old son was in my arms when I gently shook him while yelling, “Ben! Get up! Ben, get up!” and laid him on his back.
Then, I understood he wouldn’t wake up. He had already left.
“I carried Ben downstairs as I paced my living room while talking to the (911) operator.
“She pressed me about starting CPR on several occasions. Each time, I told her that there was no reason. Ben walked away.
“He wasn’t like my Ben anymore, and his little stiff body was stiff in my arms. I was aware there was no hope. He was gone for a number of hours. “.
After asking Amanda about her drug and alcohol use, the police sent the case to an inquest.
Amanda continued the only question I had for the coroner: “Was Ben in pain when he died?
According to him, babies this small usually don’t feel pain when they suffocate.
“And at that point, guilt engulfed my entire being, including my life. Did I murder Ben?
I didn’t roll over on him or lay down on him, but I was aware of that. The coroner says that smothering is another name for suffocation.
“Ben suffocated when, for some reason, I fell asleep. I told him that nothing was blocking Ben’s airway. I didn’t understand how this would happen if his mouth and nose weren’t covered.
“Despite the detective’s good nature, I got the impression that they were looking for me as if I had done something to make myself sleep for such a long time. It was empty, though.
“Today is the day I enter hell. That is the most terrible story to tell. Additionally, it doesn’t seem to get any easier. “.
Ben’s cause of death was listed as positional “asphyxiation due to hazardous sleep settings”, even though there was no evidence to support it. “.
I was furious and tormented by guilt, says Amanda of the decision. “.
“It goes without saying that when incidents like this happen, other people always want to make their conclusions and hypotheses about what must have gone wrong.
“Accidents in bed only happen to people who have been drinking, using drugs, or are obese, right?
The safe sleep guidelines outlined by the great attachment parenting doctors were unquestionably not followed by this parent or caregiver.
“The rest of the world is always looking for a fault—any excuse they can use to hold onto their fantasy that they would never go through this.
Sadly, they do, but no healthy baby dies away, right? Mine did. “.
Amanda is now spreading awareness about SUDI, SIDS, and the potential risks associated with sharing a bed with a tiny newborn.
“Losing a child is upsetting and upsetting,” she said. It is both furious and depressed.
“The feelings triggered by grief are all at odds with one another. To spare others from this suffering, I would do anything.
“When this occurs, you lose your child and yourself. Your child’s death will permanently mark the beginning of the second phase of your life. You evolve with time.
Since Ben passed away, my duty has been to inform parents about good sleeping habits. However, this is only sometimes the case.
“There is a ton of information on the internet about how to bed share safely. I can’t agree with it now that Ben is gone.
Science has repeatedly shown that sharing a bed with a newborn increases their risk of dying from SIDS or SUID.
“Many people tell me that if their babies were to pass away while sleeping suddenly, they would rather have their child with them than by themselves. I’d also have to disagree there.
“I’ll take it with me to my grave that I’ll never know if my child would still be alive today if he had been allowed to sleep alone.
If Ben had died while I was learning the ABCs of safe sleep, I don’t think I would have had to deal with this level of ongoing shame and doubt.
I may never understand if his demise could have been prevented. I would not, however, want anyone to experience this sense of guilt or illogic. “.
Amanda gifts new parents to spread awareness, including Benny Bears and a short story that her child wrote.