There are certain things that we all do on those crucial first few dates that slightly tip the odds in our favor. And there are small things that the person we’re out on a date with can do that strangely speak disproportionately to our overall impression of them, such as a gesture, a remark, or even just the way they carry themselves.
If you aren’t looking for them, you might miss them because they are only small glimmers of our deeper undercurrent of craziness. In order to better inform ourselves, I asked a few of my girlfriends what the biggest telltale signs are that something is just not going to work out in the long run, even on the first few dates.
“Once, a coworker who had been flirting with me for a while invited me out to a nice dinner. We were actually getting along great and enjoying ourselves, but when the check came, he broke it down item by item and insisted that I pay an extra $4 because my cocktail was more expensive than his beer. It was so crazy and intricate that it entirely detracted from the evening’s sexiness. And I’m sorry, it’s not a matter of gender, but if you invite someone out, you should at the very least offer to pay.
— Andrea.
“In my opinion, there are a few things that really indicate that the guy is not suitable for a romantic relationship. Here are a few I’ve discovered during my dating career:.
No, if he makes an oddly angry comment about the ex during the initial dates. Who brings up an ex that early, and that implies that he is still resentful.
if he oddly, even lightheartedly, comments on how oddly you look.
If you notice that he frequently talks about his “bros” or if you get the impression that he only hangs out with groups of seven guys.
If he says something like, “Women are this” or “Women do that. It’s informal misogyny, but as the relationship progresses, it will become much less informal.
if he chooses a mild domestic beer. ” – Sarah.
“Back in college, when I was dating this guy (i.e., when I didn’t know much about feminism and had really low self-esteem), he told me on our second date that he really “liked his girl to stay in shape and keep it neat down there,” and the insecure 19-year-old me immediately thought, “Oh my god, I expect the same from myself.
And of course, he turned out to be a controlling jerk who constantly made me feel bad.
Like, how much more pitiful could I have been, by the way? Clara says, “He didn’t keep himself in perfect shape either, but I don’t want to be petty about it.
Any person who cracks ‘politically incorrect’ jokes on the first date or so should really leave. The question, according to Ella, isn’t so much, “I’m offended by this joke,” as it is, “Why does the best version of yourself that you’re trying to present on a date think that racist jokes are funny and charming?”.
“If they are very inebriated on the first date.
” – Nicky.
“I believe that it obviously varies from person to person, but I’ve always discovered that people who complain excessively about previous relationships or dating in general are not good for relationships. It’s okay to say, “Yeah, I’ve had a hard time with dating,” but sometimes people get so caught up in their resentments about the dating scene that it’s just not healthy. Maybe you were the problem if you were complaining about ten different people in one conversation, Molly remarked.
A “douchebag first date look” is one that never goes well. It occurs when the guy sports dark-wash jeans, square-toed black shoes, and gelled hair while sporting a striped, frequently slightly shiny button-down shirt. In that outfit, it’s just always a dummy and a douchebag.
” – Naomi.
“It’s definitely a red flag if a guy talks about how much money he makes, or even worse, tries to hint at it in a totally transparent, humblebraggy way. Because they base their value on how much money they have in the bank, guys who have something to prove like that will never make good partners.
” – Sam.
“I once went on a date with this girl who got really heated with me about politics right away. We seemed to be in general agreement because I lean extremely liberally, but I guess I wasn’t far enough left for her on some issues because she started acting weird and pushy about it. In addition, I thought she was very attractive at the time, so I just kind of went along with it. But the main dynamic in our relationship was her constant yelling at me over my politics and her perception of my lack of “involvement.”.
” – Alex.
“Anyone who genuinely tries to have sex with you on the first date even though it is obvious that you are not ready to be physically intimate should not get a second date, much less enter a committed relationship. I don’t mean to sound like I’m forcing myself on you, but more like “trying to guilt you into putting out or attempting three times in a row despite getting shot down to take you home for the night. It’s just not a good sign when someone is trying so hard to push your sexual boundaries, even if they eventually give up.
” – Ana.
“Smells a little funky, too much perfume, or too much cologne. No significant odors of any kind should ever be permitted on a date.
” – Julie.
“It’s not always simple to observe, but I believe a key sign of how they will behave in a relationship is how much they talk compared to how much they listen on the date. You can probably tell how much one person speaks when both of you are nervous, even though sometimes one person may speak more than usual. However, it’s also not good if they are too quiet; you need to strike a good balance right away or things are probably not going to improve over time.
I used to think that a guy who talked a lot was smart and interesting, and that a guy who hardly ever talked was thoughtful and a good listener. However, both of these characteristics of the guys turned out to be bad in the long run, and they only became more obvious as time went on. ” – Jamie.
“Remove yourself from the situation if he refers to his mother as a current or former girlfriend. No. Mommy. Issues. ” – Olivia.
“Somehow I have ended up going on a lot of dates with guys who were really conceited about where they went to school, and every time I continued dating one of those guys, it was a mess. Relationship material is probably not someone who brags a lot about their education (unless you also attended Yale or some other prestigious institution).
” — Amanda.
Be wary of guys who expect you to laugh at their jokes but only respond with a “heh” or “hmm” when you make one. It is a HUGE personality indicator for the relationship, despite the fact that it can be quite subtle. ” -Leila.
